August 10th 2009 Monday 2:46pm

I have been sitting in bed, reading for nearly 2 whole hours. I am reading Anne Frank's Diary. Her story is really amazing. Imagine the things she could have accomplished, given the chance! I find myself feeling much like her in some of her entries... That lost and alone feeling. I guess, without the whole hiding for my life thing.. My life right now is kind oflike hers. I cant afford to do much, so I sit here in the back house trying to amuse myself, trying to better myself with hopes that these hard times will pass, and life may go back to normal.

I am waiting to hear from Danny, I hope he calls soon as I haven't  left at all today for food cause I don't want to miss his call. (at this point I had no phone At&t cancelled my service cause I couldn't afford to pay my bill)

I gave Odessa a flea bath today! I saw the traffic of many fleas in her white belly hair, and had enough! This, besides her first, was probably the hardest of her bathes... She was struggling with me and meowing alot more. She fussed so much that to regain a hold of her at one time, she nearly fell underneath the water, scaring her as much as to actually POOP in the tub! It was beyond Gross!

Poor Kitty, It seems my days are just as unexciting as hers...

[6:11pm]

I've decided if I am going to e the strong, independent woman that I want to be, I can't sit around and wait on some guy! I couldn't do the things I wanted to today cause I was waiting on Danny's call... "early afternoon" he says... WELL its early evening and I still haven't heard anything.

I dearly love this boy, but I've dont the love sick teen before... It gets old waiting and driving yourself crazy wondering... Tomorrow I will go out and do the things I have been meaning to do!

Though if Danny happens to call before 8pm... Shall I meet with him or not? I have waited ALL day... but I feel to make a point I should say no.

Does he know I've been waiting on him? He knows the house phone is the only way to get ahold of me.

Phone...Its him.

I feel angry and bitter.

[6:30pm]

I am meeting him in an hour, no use being bored here alone tonight...but if I cant be honest about being annoyed by the situation, (meaning I am going to tell him how I feel about it tonight) then this may end up being the same lovesick, waiting, unhealthy, naive situation. Ack : /

Sunday Night August 9th 2009 11:47pm

After a long day of reading and research, I have decided that Greek Mythology is pretty awesome. I ant wait to find out more. Read books and watch movies and all. Its pretty exciting. I may have a new hobby to keep myself busy, calm my mind in my free time. Which I am very happy about.

No Danny today, which is a bummer, but I think its good for both of us. We probably spend too much time together anyhow, I need to focus on me and my life anyways.

My goal for this week is to get a job. Either a Part time job or at least a modeling gig, or maybe both!! If I can accomplish that, I will feel very good about myself.

I have a head ache :(
I must get some sleep, Tomorrow is Monday and I need to get as much done by tomorrow afternoon as possible.

Goodnight xoxo
-Sleepy

August 9th 2009 (Sunday 1:52)

I woke up really late today... maybe if I slept with the other fan on, the heat from the morning wouldn't keep me in bed all day... I checked my email, facebook and myspace... and then smoked a cigarette... I still feel tired... I am going to try and do a few things from my list today. (list of things to do in spare time)
I will let you know what happens...

*UPDATE*
4:39pm

So first I took a few moments to meditate, I cleared my mind & envisioned every breathe releasing the negativity from my body, part by part. Then once all the negative was out, I began to breathe in the good, positive vibes and fill my body with them. I felt more relaxed and less tired afterwards. I may try it more often...

Next I stretched my back and neck, cause I've been having some pains recently and felt very tense in those areas. Stress I am sure...

Then I sat on my bed and looked through my "Reality Through Arts" book from a class I took in college. I've decided to do some research on "Daoism" and also a few Characters in a painting I found called "La Primavera" A whimsical painting done by Sandro Botticelli, Also known as "Spring"

It has a magical or mystical feel to it. Even though the background seems like it does not fit, being much darker in both color and spirit. Blanketed behind these pale, simple, pure looking figures. Mercury, The Three Graces, Venus, Flora, Spring and Zephyrus.

I am very curious about these characters and want to learn more. After reading and glancing through that bood, I then took a shower with a very unexpected guest...otherwise known as a GIANT BLACK SPIDER! It was revolting...

Well you are pretty much up to speed on whats been happening today so far, Maybe more excitement will happen later...

-Calm <3

Things I could do with my spare time...

Things I could do with my spare time...

-Write, read, draw & paint

-Take a walk (w/camera)

-Take pictures... (w/camera) tee hee, duh!

-Yoga

-Mani/Pedi

-Car wash

-Meditate

-Give Odessa a Flea bath

-Library

-Write lyrics to Danny's Song

Sunday Morning of August 9th 2009 12:21am

Jeff and Beth were gone all day, which meant no food, but lots of alone time in the house. Which was better in there then back here, least inside I can use the computer to fill time. It went a lot quicker! I got an email back from a cafe: 212 Pier. I guess I would say today was a better day than yesterday. It would be easy to be better though so its not saying much...

Today I decided I no longer need to defend myself to Jeremiah.

I talked to Josiah (a friend of mine) he told me about this new girl he was seeing, Josiah, not Jeremiah... and I felt truely happy for him, it's like I appreciate other peoples good fortune more than before. I guess in this case, misery didn't want company! Ha.

Danny & I had a good night, short, but definatly a lot better then last night. That kid cracks me up! I wish I could be happy all the time, the way I am when he is around.

I spent $2.20 on a McChicken & small fry at Mcdonalds, I now have $11.00 left for gas.

-Tired

August- Morning of the 8th 2009 (Saturday)

It has been since about May of this year when my life was...as best as I can describe...normal.
I do remember feeling anxious when home with nothing to do Wy is it I can't be happy alone? I have my moments but don't people usually enjoy their alone time, more than I have lately? I wish I could find something to keep my mind busy, writing doesn't really cut it, cause I usually write about how I feel, or my life... we all know it is no good to drowned in your sorrows, but what else could I do?

I really need a job, that would help a lot. that would fill some of my alone time, and give me money to begin having a normal life again.

I swear Odessa can sense when I begin feeling bad, she hops on my lap at jus the right times. Today I am going to find a way to keep my mind busy.

Update - 12:30am

Computer helped, but I didn't accomplish much...

August 7th 2009 (4 mins till August 8th)

Tonight while hanging with Danny I had this weird, indescribable mood come over me. Anxiety, stress, boredom, I think I might be becoming depressed. Which would be very possible with the way my life has crumbled. I hope everything will get bette soon. I hate being happy one day then feeling like a mess the next. I hope I can keep my hopes up long enough to earn & achieve what I need to make myself happy again. Even Odessa has suffered in all of this. (Odessa is my at the time 6 year old cat) I hope the Cohen's don't mind if she stays around for awhile, because I think she needs me as much as I need her right now...
I also hope that all this crap doesn't make me mess things up with Danny. I hope we are both strong enough to make it out of all this together, and HAPPY!

I need help focusing on getting things together, instead of being with Danny 24/7. I always put guys ahead of everything else that needs to be done... I wonder why that is...

-Moody
xoxo